Monday, 28 September 2009

The oldest trick in the book

One evening in Soho I was hanging out with this man I should have avoided like the plague. He suggested that we go to a brothel together. ‘To do what, exactly?’ I asked. All manner of scenarios ran though my mind none of which I liked the look of. He made no reply and instead ushered me towards Berwick Street. I was secretly panicking, firstly because I couldn’t remember what underwear I had on and secondly as a vegetarian I am not a fan of exploitative relationships. My companion, however loved hookers, he was constantly bragging to anyone who would listen about how many he had slept with. He insisted on giving me money if I slept with him – I took it to keep him happy the first time but after that depressing experience I insisted upon it. He was a silly old fool, but not unkind and god knows he was quick. We turned down a piss soaked alleyway off the market; strangely no red light was apparent at the blackened windows above. I silently berated myself for being incapable of forming the word ‘no’. We finally got to the door way and there on the security gate hung a handwritten sign ‘CLOSED DUE TO LEAK’ I practically clapped with delight.
Anyway today I got an email from a friend who is campaigning against a government bill proposing to make paying for sex illegal. He asked me to sign an online petition and I declined because I never met a prostitute who operated within the law and I certainly don’t give a toss about punters rights. Anyway most of them are so gross they should be prosecuted for crimes of an aesthetic nature. Friend became ‘beyond human aid’ with indignation, cancelled our date for this evening and took to his bed. I did eventually back down and sign just to keep him happy.

1 comment:

canalily said...

Oh I agree with you. Rather than be pressured into signing whatever lame petitions are going around you should stand for Westminster Council and then introduce bye-laws laying down a code of aesthetic acceptability to be enforced borough wide, both on the hookers and the punters. In fact, why not have a dress code for the public at large? Uniformed inspectors could patrol the exits to Piccadilly Circus Station and simply turn away those whose appearance does not comply with the bye-laws. I'll vote for you.