Peace, peace she is not dead

She doth not sleep, she hath awakened from the dream of life... Oh yes, no matter how wonderful a day I have had the best bit of any twenty four stretch will be the eight hours or so I slept through. The only man I have ever taken to court (OK a Westminster City Hall Tribunal) is the idiot who runs the chicken shop across the road from my building – his crime – keeping me awake at 4 in the morning serving filthy tortured foul carcass to people too drunk to know what they are eating. I couldn’t sleep the other night largely due to him, though he does have to close at 3 now thanks to me. I don’t know what happens to me in the middle of the night – an abyss of despair washes in around my tangled sheets – life becomes a fast moving train to hell I want to jump off – my outlook is black and blackens further with every hour – I hate it. I live on Cinderella time I have to be asleep by midnight or the next day is a right off.

Summer in the city

I have a little vanity I suppose but I am no desert refuser and I don’t worry too much about the ‘dangers of the sun ‘either. I have a friend whose been around the block a couple of times and he was talking about staying out of sun to avoid skin cancer, it was brutal but I had to ask him, ‘You have Aids, smoke 60 Camel a day, relapse on crack every three years or so what makes you think its the sun that’s going to kill you? ‘ We have such long winters and short summers I like to enjoy the heat , I do use a little protection on my face but no English sunshine is going to make a line on my face that botox can’t iron out anyway. My local sun spot the Oasis open air pool in Covent Garden is full of people who think like me only worse, those guys are fearless they lie in the rays with little more than salad dressing as protection. I have spent so many happy summers up on the sun deck. My friend Kate and I had two bottles of SPF one factor 3 ( we called that F*ck it) and one factor 5 (I’ll take my chances) we used to apply it while singing ‘ do you know where you’re going to .. do you like the things that life is showing you ‘ (theme from Mahogany) – she moved to Australia in the end she was a contender. I was naked on the roof ( I am not an exhibitionist but I hate tan lines)with no factor at all yesterday except on my face – one woman’s sun burn is another women’s base tan!

Be still my frozen heart

I don’t care too much for ice cream until it gets hot but then when the heats on I think about it all the time. It’s not the traditional flavours that I want either, there is nothing in Haagen Daz or Ben & Jerrys that floats my boat – those flavours are for children. My favourite ice cream flavours are malt by some hippy dippy company that sell to Wholefoods in New York which is divine but a little inconvenient. Although BA are doing a special deal for flights to NY at the moment so please send money so I can get over there and indulge soon. I love green tea ice cream the dark bitter kind you get in fancy Japanese restaurants, violet and rose ice cream from Laduree at Harrods and my local favourite is sesame ice cream from Scoop in Covent Garden, its incredible, me and my dog go there every day. They also do a fantastic shiney dark chocolate flavour as well as all the usual trashy tastes for tourists and so on.

Perfume to die for

In 1775 Jean- Francois Houbigant opened a wonderful perfume shop in Paris named A la Corbeille de Fleurs. Among its customers were Madame Du Barry mistress of King Louis XV and Marie-Antoinette. Legend has it that when Marie Antoinette was fleeing from Versailles to Varennes to escape the revolutionaries she was recognized as royalty and ultimately sent back to her death because of the magnificent scent of her Houbigant perfume. Quelques Fleurs L’original, was first created in 1912 it is ‘an intoxicating blend of over 300 floral essences’. I first read about it in an article on Dita Von Teese where she said it was her favorite perfume. Dita seems to know what she’s doing except when it comes to marriage so I popped over to Liberty and picked up a bottle for only £36. It is indeed delicious although not at first – the top note is pure cat piss but don’t rush to wash it off because underneath its amazing. The scent has a heart of rose, tuberose, jasmine and lily of the valley but a pornographic base of sandalwood, musk, amber and civet gives sets the real tone.

How to get a hot body

High on the list of things I have never wanted to do, camping, bungee jumping , tattooing my face was Bikram Yoga – 90 minutes of strenuous Hatha Yoga postures in a room heated to ‘centre of the sun’ centigrade. However I am both greedy and weak willed so when a friend talked me into going along with her and signing up for a months unlimited classes for £29.00 I trotted along like a lamb. To be realistic anything that is unlimited for under £30.00 is unlikely to be pleasant but you don’t get to try the class first so I paid up and went inside the studio. The room was large, carpeted and extremely hot, I spread a towel on my mat and lay down next to about 30 other women and three men. I wriggled around on my mat ‘limbering up’ - ten minutes later the class was about to start and I was ready to go home. I can’t remember what actually happened – I can recall laughing out loud at the very idea of one of the instructions – staring at the clock wondering if time had actually stood still – wondering what the hell had possessed me to come along etc. I did manage to do a few manoeuvres I am not too bad at standing on one leg (I some times practice at the bus stop) I do OK if I am lying down, I had to be careful pointing my toes because I broke one of them in a hideous cleaning accident over the weekend and I can’t bend my spine backwards at all. My friend said even staying in the room for the full 90 minutes is an achievement and it was. Everybody, even ladylike me was dripping sweat, but anything that traumatic has got to be good for you. Some of the women in the class had amazing bodies, I am going to use up all my free classes to see if I can get one too.

The dark side

The dark moon is the most potent moon phase, heralding the new waxing moon and a time for ridding oneself of bad habits, binding spells, for exploring our darkest recesses and understanding our angers and passions. A powerful time to concentrate on things we want to draw into our lives.

S/he's lost control again

On Tuesday evening I went with my friend Pippa to see the new Joy Division documentary directed by Grant Lee. Although I enjoyed the film I have to say that I preferred Control – last years Joy Division movie way more, it was just so much more creative and invocative of the depressing North West. The documentary was made up of archive footage of Joy Division intercut with interviews with the members of the band and their associates who rather than kill themselves tragically young had opted to grow old, fat and boring. What stood out for me though were sections of interviews with Genesis Breyer P-orridge who had been a friend of lead singer Ian Curtis. He was just mesmerizing and so intelligent and coherent – most people would seem so cut in next to Pete Hook but Genesis is such an interesting artist. I found a series of interviews with him on the internet so click on the link (I can’t believe I have made hyper links !!) and check him out. I like a man who goes just that little bit further.