Halleluiah

Christmas has come early this year ladies (and gentlemen) David Duchovny is single! No woman deserves to have a man that sexy all to herself – not that Tea did – hence the divorce. It would appear that she is now getting the measure of Billy Bob Thornton – wishing you great success elsewhere Tea. She will be in rehab soon carrying a copy of ‘women who love too much’. It may be that she is attracted to the wrong type of men, I know I am. Once I asked a friend ‘Will I ever stop being attracted to sadistic sex addicts?’ his reply ‘Unlikely, but you may stop giving them your phone number.’

Take me back to Kansas : Part 1

Argg the grossest thing happened on the tube today – this creepy guy opposite was sitting pretty much on top of the woman next to him. All the length of his stubby leg was pressed all the way down hers in an other wise empty carriage. He was staring at me so I gave him a Paddington hard stare back and he screwed up his eyes and grabbed his crotch – Yuk. Then, when I got off the tube he followed me. Meaning he wasn’t with the woman that he had been pressing against and that dope had put up with it! He followed me to the ticket barrier and imagine his surprise when I yelled at the attendant ‘Hey that guy just grabbed his crotch on the tube’ he bolted of course. So long creep! I gave the attendant a sharp lecture on how since the Victorian Era was like so over , women must no longer be seen as targets for such impropriety and should be able to travel alone undisturbed.

Dr Foster

Its official summer is over (oh how we laughed) and the bad weather is here. The heating is on and Starbucks will be serving lattes in disturbing red holiday cups from the end of the month. On the top of my list of wants is a pair of platform YSL boots (£600 from Liberty) on the top of my list of needs, pair of Hunter wellies £50 from Post Mistress. One look in my wallet tells me that needs will prevail ........

Perchance to dream

Sleep is my favourite thing of all; I am yet to have a waking experience that compares to the blissful absent abandon of sleep. Staying asleep is no problem for me but falling asleep is another matter. Last night exhausted I hopped into bed, pulled down my sleep mask and...............buzz -buzz, busy, pointless, repetitive thoughts started to tap on my mind. I tried to chloroform myself with lavender oil on a Liberty handkerchief to no avail. Eventually I had to take a Melatonin which is a herbal (well its legal in 34 states) sleeping med that I always request when friends are visiting America. The pill is supposed to activate a dream hormone that gets you off to sleep and it does definitely work for me. I dreamt about my friend’s boyfriend who is so lack lustre I don’t even consider her to be a friend anymore. I intend to learn how to have extraordinary magical dreams – Karl Lagerfeld says he has dreamt up entire collections while he slept! I want to tap into my inner creative spirit effortlessly and at least wake up with this weeks lottery draw embeded in my conscious mind.

Dress for success

New job starting on Monday hurray, being unemployed was getting to me, the hours are fabulous but the money sucks. Problem is that mooching around the house and walking the dog as an occupation has made me lazy in terms of dressing. Now I have to look professional and no, I do not mean like a night stalker. I need to appear business like and reliable. I am looking for something fashionable yet demure, long sleeves to cover the track marks and cut wrists will be a starting point. Revealing a predisposition to self harm can sometimes be a real ice breaker but it rarely inspires confidence in an employer....

Paris, je t'aime

I have watched Dans Paris twenty times this week and I think I have fallen in love with actor Romain Duris who plays a depressed photographer that mopes around in Balenciaga (would that we could – right?). Today I got the most beautiful A.P.C dress from the Autumn/ Winter collection which is pretty much all fabulous and best of all I am actually going to Paris in 13 (unlucky for some but not for me ) days time. I knew that the recent tunnel fire would bring ticket prices right down.

The lovely Miss Lazareanu

Divine Irina was no where to be seen in New York, London and Milan. Her agent was overheard telling the people at Chanel ‘I don’t know where she is, call her yourself’. I knew she’d show up in Paris, drugs are expensive after all. She did of course for Rick Owens and Yamamoto. But for the men and narcotics Irina has excellent taste.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

Bien que mon amour soit fou,
Ma raison calme les trop vives douleurs de mon coeur,
Lui disantde patienter et d’esperer...............

Une erotomanc internee pendant plus cinquante ans

Though my love is insane
My reason calms the pain in my heart,
It tells me be patient and keep hoping ..........

An erotomaniac after 50 years of confinement