Tuesday, 2 December 2008

My hands are tied

I saw this guy who used to go out with a woman I knew – he was a jerk (creepily tall) and she (creepily short) deserved him. He bought her over the elbow Prada leather gloves. He liked to tie her up with black ribbon when they had sex and get this – he couldn’t come unless she had stilettos on! So there he was in the Liberty Christmas sale this evening trawling around ladies’s wear with this woman who had identical straw coloured hair to my acquaintance. I thought it was her for a minute but actually she was even more worn out looking when she turned around. I had this urge though to run over to her and tell her that she was one of many, that his routines were transferable and that she might consider kicking him to the kerb while she still had a little dignity left in tacked. That he is hung up with his mother and can’t get over his x-wife and that her ‘dear jane’ letter was in the post. Two things this world does not lack though – complete wanker’s and women that will go out with them.

1 comment:

Lektrogirl said...

I had a friend who went out with an author who would take polaroids of her in lingerie, and couldn't even get an erection without looking at the pictures over her shoulder - he didn't look at her directly at all. She said he was always semi flacid and never 'came' he just 'dribbled'. Sorry if that is TMI but I love that kind of story.