If I should die before I wake ..........

I suffer occasionally from night terrors and sleep paralysis. It started when I was young and has recurred with decreasing regularity (thank god) ever since. When it happens I awake in the night paralysed with a real sense of a disturbing presence in the room. I have had the sensation of being squashed and even pulled out of bed and across the floor. It used to frighten me a lot and now it just frightens me a bit. Many cultures believe that night paralysis is an indication of a demonic visitation, in this country it is a condition attributed to stress (ironically few things in life are as stressful as a demonic visitation). Of course it is possible to die during sleep and I once read that Nightmare On Elm Street was based around the condition. Terribly comforting.

So what happens now ......

Since my last teaching contract ended (thank fuck) I ricochet between joy that I don’t have to be in that hell hole anymore and terror that I will never ever have any money again. This confliction is reflected in my erratic spending patterns. Yesterday I spent £34 on Diptyque , £300 on Botox, £50 on Clinique and £10 in Laduree. Today I just ate a hideous microwave curry from the fridge as it was near its sell by date and I am feeling too cheap to throw its £1.99 ass in the bin.

If you want it

Life During Wartime : ok - don't go out of your way to see it - but ok.
What was the last movie you saw that was actually as good as the trailer?

The misfortune of others. Part 1

I just heard a great story about a friend who after 4 days on the floor of Madrid airport was finally put on a coach home to London only to spend the 36 hour drive seated next to a schizophrenic who had run out of medication.

Up Pompeii

Another total non event re last nights so called natural disaster. What a bore – when will something interesting happen?

Thy will be done .........

At the age of 6 I was given an LP record of The Singing Nun by a friend of my mothers named Ruth. Although I didn't realise at the time I guess Ruth was a radical left wing lesbian, she had short dark hair, was vegetarian in 1971 and collected ethnic musical instruments from around the world. All the signs were there but I didn't click till just now! My mother, who's own life would have been vastly improved by a Saphic shift used to take me to visit this woman who lived at the top of Albrighton Road. At Ruths house dinner was made from ingredients and recipes at our house dinner came from adding water to sachets and opening cans. I played my album over and over for a short time trilling along in a language I didn't understand. Of course when I raised the issue of me becoming a nun of the singing variety over a Fry Bentos dinner with my grandparents back home I received little by way of encouragment.

Notes from the dark side

A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her.