Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live.- Mark Twain

I have a bike – I got it so I can ferry my ancient Chihuahua to the park and back as her rickety short legs seem to struggle these days. So far the furthest we have ventured is to The Chocolate Society in Elizabeth Street. Other than that we have just been practicing on the cycle path beside Green Park. We are really wobbly – I nearly knocked off someone’s wing mirror on Eaton Square earlier, I am sure it would have popped back into place but we decided to leave the seen of the crime sharpish just in case.

We confused love with pity

She wore blue velvet

Feel like Frank Booth in Blue Velvet – marking papers again, which makes me realise two things 1. I hate stupid people & 2. I am just this side of psychotic.

Now take a big hit of tippex and start cursing.

Better late than never

I just saw A Street Car Named Desire for the first time – I don’t know why but I found watching the disintegration of an aging fantasist quite disturbing. Brando was great though – again not some one I ever took much notice of previously – I watched the butter scene in Last Tango In Paris – but he was past prime in that movie so I kind of missed the point - till tonight.

I put a spell on you

Just listening to Marilyn Manson 'I put a spell on you' and I remembered this story. Once upon a time long ago - I awoke in a big cold house in the country and it was full of people who were ugly and dull ..........except for one man who was beautiful - his name was Tony - he wore vintage levis and coral coloured cashmere jumpers. I decided as soon as I saw him that I loved him and that I needed him to love me back. I had heard of the following spell - that if you want someone to love you (or at least fuck you ) then what you have to do is masturbate while thinking of them and somehow get the sticky stuff from your fingers into their mouth! Luckily enough in the big house where we were all staying - every body had been given a cup of there own and each cup had the name of its owner painted on it in red nail varnish. So I took my sticky fingers to the kitchen and smeared my spell around the inside of his cup. Shortly after my spell casting - he gave me a cigarette and we began a short affair. The thing is I forgot to ask him if he fell for me before or after the tea break.

Once more with feeling

I am starting a new diet, vitamin b12 and green powdered stuff shakes from Wholefoods. Solid food is just a trigger for me, once I start I just can't stop.

The best is yet to come

I think I have hit early menopause, either that or I forgot to turn off my electric blanket. Excitingly Fay Weldon said that she wrote all her best books on HRT.