I spent Sunday afternoon in Kensal Green cemetery. We took the guided tour of the catacombs which was pretty exciting except that we were forced to stay close to the well meaning but rather dreary tour guide. The guided cemetery tours are given by ‘The friends of Kensal Green’. As you can imagine any person who considers a Victorian grave yard his buddy is likely to be somewhat socially challenging. And so it was that he led us down the dark stone stairway from the Anglican Chapel into the cold damp dark catacombs below. He showed us the mechanical system that lowers the coffins from the church above to the resting place below. I ascertained that I could get a signal on my Blackberry but the church insists that catacomb coffins are lined in lead which means I now have to totally rework my precautions against being entombed alive strategy. While the ‘friend’ was banging on about the hydraulics of the ‘dumb waiter for the dead’ my mortal friend and I stepped back from the tour to get a better look and a little touch of the tunnels lined with arched recesses full of coffins. We cracked open a bar of Green and Blacks and discussed what an excellent place this would be to A) get laid and B) get buried. Apparently it costs just £5000 to leave your earthly body in Kensal Green catacombs and there are still places available!